Thursday, March 8, 2012

Now that I have time to breathe again...

It's my lunch break, which is one of my favorite times of the day.  I love my job and I look forward to coming to the office most days, but lunch time is my chance to forget that I work for someone else for sixty minutes.  It's a chance to relax, to smell the proverbial coffee (sounds like some new Stinkbucks flavor, actually).

And now, I think, I have finally reached the lunch break of my life, or at least my life as it currently exists.  I think I've finally reached a point of stabilization, which is odd considering how rapidly things are changing for me and my family.

First and foremost, we have a new addition: our son, who shall henceforth be known here as "Peanut", was born on March 1, 2012 at 2:57 a.m. after the Missus went through roughly 80 hours of contractions.  And, no, that's not a joke or an exaggeration, except in that there were two or three times when falling asleep made the contractions stop until she woke up.  It's a phenomenon called Prodromal Labor, and it can last weeks in extreme cases.  That fact, along with the spelling, constitutes everything I know, or care to know, about the condition.

Peanut was born by way of natural child birth, which is a fancy way of saying that my wife is both mildly psychotic and also as tough as nails wearing nuclear plate armor.  The simple knowledge that I was about to, as it was said in the classic movie Look Who's Talking, "squeeze something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon" would be enough to make me evacuate and then lay in the fetal position weeping.

However, her subsequent recovery has proved to me all the more that my back pain falls into the "severe" category, considering her pain is, by and large, removed through the efforts of hydrocodone and ibuprofen.  I, on the other hand, can still feel my ailment to a significant degree despite having taken a combination of hydrocodone and morphine daily for the last three years (until recently, that is; because I am attempting to cut narcotics out of my life, I have switched from that frightening cocktail to a slightly less malevolent dosing of Percocet four times per day).

That is in no way intended to downplay the pain I know she feels right now; I saw what caused it and I've seen the end result, and I can assure you that she most definitely hurts in ways that would make any sane person question even more severely what in the world Adam and Eve were thinking when they listened to a snake.

So, Peanut is officially a week old now.  He's been through a great deal in that time, including that little injury  that most Western men receive a day or two after birth, as well as having his frenulum snipped.

Despite the fact that those two sound like the same thing, the latter is actually a procedure for the tongue-tied of the world, in which the thin strip of flesh that runs down the center of the underside of the tongue is sliced in such a way as to enable improved "tongue mobility" in the recipient.  Hopefully I have altered the mental image somewhat.

As an aside, if I was to develop some desire to know what I would look like if I was sixty years old and bald, I could simply put a fake beard on my son.  Dude is my spitting image, at least when his eyes are closed.

It's almost scary.

In other news, I believe I now have my digestive issues fully in hand.  My final concoction consists of the following prior to a meal or any other substantial consumption of food and certain beverages like my beloved coffee:

  • 1 Flax Seed Oil gel tab
  • 1 Aloe Vera Concentrate gel tab
  • 1 Betaine HCl (hydrochloric acid) tablet
  • 1 Digestive Enzyme capsule (currently Standard Process's Zymex, but that is changing soon because of price)
That combination has not only allowed me to resume eating (almost) anything I want, but has also begun to allow my stomach and esophagus to heal -- something Nexium was advertised as doing. but really did nothing but mask a symptom and cause other health issues.

Now, on top of those things, I also take a daily B12 supplement as I attempt to finish repairing what Nexium has broken.

As a result of all of that, plus a concerted effort at losing weight since the year began, I am as of this morning down 10 pounds in 68 days.  And all I have done to get there is to eat breakfast every day, watch my portion size and snack less.  It really is that simple.

I have taken allergy medication since I was a child.  I took Claritin (and then Claritin-D) for so long that my body became immune to its effects.  I switched to Allegra-D for about five years, and I have taken Zyrtec for the last four-plus years.  In all that time, if I missed a dose or even went more than about six hours beyond my next scheduled dose, I began to get an itchy nose, a scratchy throat and watery eyes.

I quit taking Nexium and Zyrtec at almost the same time.  I haven't needed any allergy medication in over a month.  How awesome is that?!

Okay, that's enough for now.  I will add more soon.  But I need to stop for one simple reason:

My lunch break is over.

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